Analyze This
by ellsbells10
Summary: Lux is fifteen. She's never met Cate or Baze. Cate's sister, Abby, is a psychotherapist. When Lux tries to kill herself, Abby treats her and slowly the pieces come together. Is Abby Lux's therapist? Or her aunt?
1. So Close

**Note: I got the suicide by prescription pills idea from Tutorwife93's story _They'll Never Know_, which is one of my absolute favorite LUX fanfictions! I hope she doesn't mind me using it. My idea is different. Since Abby's a therapist, I started wondering what would happen if Abby were the one to treat Lux after she tried to kill herself. In this story, Lux is fifteen, still in foster care and has never met Cate or Baze.

* * *

**

**The Day After**

"Hi Lux. I'm Dr. Cassidy." A young woman with light brown hair extended her hand.

Lux stared at the hand, but didn't take it. "Where's Dr. Cooper?" She asked wearily. Dr. Cooper was the doctor who had been treating her.

Abby Cassidy withdrew her hand. She pulled a chair beside Lux's hospital bed and sat down. "Dr. Cooper is a general practitioner. I'm a psychotherapist."

Lux nodded dully. The teenager crossed her arms in front of her chest protectively. "I'd say it's nice to meet you, but I'd be lying."

Abby nodded. She hadn't expected Lux to be thrilled about having a psychological evaluation. "How are you feeling?"

"Just peachy," Lux said sarcastically.

"How were you feeling before you tried to kill yourself?" Abby asked, meeting Lux's gaze.

Lux averted her gaze. "I wasn't trying to kill myself," she lied.

Abby noted that Lux was unable to make eye contact and was fidgeting with the sheet on her bed. "You took an entire bottle of prescription painkillers," Abby pointed out.

"You're forgetting the vodka," Lux said ruefully.

"How were you feeling when you took the pills and drank the alcohol?" Abby tried again.

Lux hesitated. She glared at Abby. "I'm tired. I don't feel like talking anymore."

"I can't make you talk to me, but you're not going anywhere until I decide you're no longer a threat to yourself," Abby said.

"And if I won't talk, you'll what? Keep me here forever?" Lux retorted.

Abby stood up and put the chair back in the corner of the hospital room. "I'll be back tomorrow. Maybe you'll feel like talking then."

Lux looked up in surprise. "I'm not in a hurry to get out of here!" She called out.

**

* * *

The Next Day**

Abby ignored the dirty look Lux shot her as she entered the hospital room. "Hi Lux. How are you feeling today?"

"Fine," Lux said coolly, eying Abby wearily.

Abby pulled a chair beside Lux's bed and sat down. "How were you feeling when you took prescription painkillers and drank alcohol?"

"Why don't you tell me, _Doctor_?" Lux said the word _doctor_ as though it was a grave insult.

"I don't know how you were feeling," Abby said gently.

"They didn't teach you how suicidal people feel in school?" Lux raised her eyebrows. "What, did you get your degree online?"

"Suicidal? You said you weren't trying to kill yourself," Abby reminded Lux.

"Yeah, and you didn't believe me," Lux retorted.

"Why did you take the pills? Drink the alcohol?" Abby asked again, her tone firm.

Lux shrugged. "Seemed like a good idea at the time."

Abby narrowed her eyes. "And now?"

"I'm not gonna take painkillers again if that's what you're asking," Lux mumbled.

Lux's word choice raised alarms. She wouldn't take pills again, but the teenager didn't say she wouldn't hurt herself again. Abby made a notation on Lux's file.

Abby gave Lux a hard look. "Do you know how close you were to actually killing yourself?"

_Not close enough_, Lux thought miserably. She shrugged.

"If you'd been found any later than you were, you wouldn't be sitting here right now," Abby said.

Abby couldn't know how much Lux wished that had happened, but she did notice Lux's blank expression was devoid of any emotion. The teenager didn't appear to feel anything at all about almost losing her life. She didn't look relieved or sad or shocked or scared.

"Tell me a little bit about yourself," Abby said. Lux obviously wasn't going to talk about her suicide attempt. Maybe if the teen started talking about her life, Abby would be able to figure out where Lux's issues stemmed from.

Lux rolled her eyes. "What do you want to know?" She asked through gritted teeth.

"Is there anything you want to tell me?" Abby said.

Lux made a face. "No."

"OK. Where did you grow up?" Abby asked.

"Portland," Lux said shortly.

"Tell me about your family," Abby suggested.

Lux swallowed. She took a deep breath. When she looked up, her expression was stony. "My foster parents deal drugs."

Lux waited for a reaction, but Abby's expression was impassive.

"Prescription," Lux added. She'd gotten the pills she took from her foster parents' stash.

Lux frowned when she noticed Abby scribbling away in her notebook. She glared at the therapist. "Do you think you have me all figured out now?"

Abby shook her head as she finished jotting down notes. "No." She offered Lux a small smile. "What about your biological parents?"

"Your guess is as good as mine," Lux said. She stared straight ahead stony-faced and her tone was even with just a hint of bitterness.

Abby nodded. "I understand you've had a hard time."

Lux fixed Abby with a harsh glare. "Do you have kids, Dr. Cassidy?"

"No," Abby replied.

Lux smirked. "If you did, would you be able to just give your baby away?"

Abby hesitated. She wasn't supposed to talk about herself. She was supposed to focus on Lux. But this issue hit close to home. Abby's sister, Cate, had given her daughter up for adoption.

"I don't know," Abby said after a moment. "I don't think anyone can know that until they're in that situation. I'm sure your mom did what she thought was best for you."

Lux snickered. "What was best for me? How is giving me away to nothing what's best for me? It was what was best for her."

Abby was scribbling furiously.

Lux bit her tongue. What was wrong with her? She didn't want to tell this shrink anything! Why was she telling Abby absolutely everything?

Lux strained her eyes, trying desperately to see what Abby was writing. Abby noticed and shifted the file so it was out of Lux's line of vision.

Lux glared daggers at Abby, hating her more with every passing second. "Get. Out," she snarled.

Abby obliged, knowing the teen was done talking.


	2. Uncomfortable

**The Next Day**

"Can I take a shower?" Lux asked the nurse who brought her breakfast.

She'd been hooked up to an IV for the first few days and too weak to move, so she hadn't showered since she'd been in the hospital. Now she felt disgusting. Her hair was greasy and her skin felt oily.

"Of course." The nurse showed Lux to the bathroom. "The water automatically turns off every few seconds. You need to push this button to turn it back on."

Lux looked at the nurse as though she'd just sprouted a second head. "Even Sunnyvale had fully functioning showers. How cheap is this hospital?"

"The showers in the psych ward are designed to prevent patients from drowning themselves," the nurse explained patiently.

Lux snickered, but nodded. She waited for the nurse to leave before taking her clothes off and getting in the shower.

It only took a few minutes for Lux to become thoroughly annoyed with the shower. How was she supposed to get the shampoo out of her hair if she couldn't get more than a few drops of water at a time? This was ridiculous!

Who drowns themselves anyway? Especially in a shower. Lux shook her head. She'd considered several options before deciding on the pills and drowning herself in a shower had definitely not been one of them. It wasn't practical. A bath tub maybe.

Lux had chosen painkillers because she wasn't very good with pain. She knew there was no way she'd be going back to her foster parents' house, where it had been only too easy to get her hands on the pills, so she'd probably have to choose an alternative. Slitting your wrists is a classic, but Lux hated blood and couldn't really imagine cutting herself.

* * *

As soon as Abby entered Lux's room, she received a frosty glare from the teenager. If possible, Lux looked even angrier than she had the previous day and that was saying something.

Abby forced herself to smile as she took a seat beside Lux's bed. "Hi Lux. How are you feeling today?"

Lux used the remote on her bedside table to turn the volume on the TV up, drowning out Abby's voice.

Abby sighed and reached for the remote, but Lux moved it out of reach.

"Lux, give me the remote," Abby said firmly.

Lux shook her head vehemently.

Abby met the teen's gaze and held it, giving her a hard look. She reached for the remote again. This time Lux threw the remote as hard as she could against the wall. It hit the wall and broke, the batteries rolling onto the floor.

Abby stared at Lux in surprise. When she recovered from the shock, she left the room.

Lux smirked, pleased with herself for getting rid of the pain in the ass shrink. She was still angry at Abby for making her talk the day before. She'd told Abby more than she'd wanted to and she was determined not to let that happen again.

Lux looked up in surprise when Abby returned with an orderly. The orderly unplugged the TV and picked it up.

"Hey!" Lux protested. "What are you doing?"

Abby nodded at the orderly and he carried the TV out of the hospital room. Abby returned to her seat beside Lux's bed. "You're not watching TV right now."

Lux shot Abby a dirty look.

"How are you feeling today?" Abby asked again.

Lux opened her mouth. She was ready with a smart-ass reply, but she stopped herself. Answering Abby would be giving in. She closed her mouth and stared straight ahead. She wasn't going to speak to Abby at all. Not even to put the bitch in her place.

Abby didn't give up. She continued sitting there staring at Lux, knowing the awkward silence would make the teen uncomfortable. She just hoped it would make Lux uncomfortable enough that she would start talking.

Lux felt Abby's gaze on her and shifted uncomfortably. Why couldn't Abby just leave her the hell alone? What had she ever done to Abby?

Lux steeled herself and continued ignoring Abby, knowing Abby would give up eventually. She just expected eventually to come sooner rather than later. It felt like hours had passed and Abby was still sitting there watching her.

Lux closed her eyes, pretending to be asleep. There was no way she could actually fall sleep with Abby watching her. This was so creepy!

Lux kept her eyes shut, struggling to keep still. After what seemed like forever, she heard Abby get up and leave. Lux waited a few minutes to make sure Abby wasn't coming back before opening her eyes and sitting up.

Lux waited for the orderly to return her TV, but he didn't. She frowned in irritation, waiting for someone to check on her. There was nothing to do in the hospital room. She was bored out of her mind.

She was already starting to go stir crazy in the hospital, even before the orderly took her TV. She could only watch so much crappy daytime TV in one day. She wanted something, anything really, to do. She'd even prefer to go to school.

Lux took a nap more because she didn't have anything else to do than because she was tired.

A nurse finally brought Lux's dinner in on a tray.

"An orderly took my TV. Can you bring it back now?" Lux whined.

The nurse frowned in confusion. "I'll see what I can do." She handed the tray to Lux and then left.

Lux studied the disgusting globs of unrecognizable food on the tray, pushing them around with the plastic fork. She was trying to work up the courage to taste something yellow and mushy when the nurse returned.

"Dr. Cassidy said you've lost your TV privileges," the nurse reported.

"What?" Lux cried out angrily. "What am I supposed to do all day?"

The nurse shrugged.

"This is unacceptable!" Lux yelled.

The nurse looked disapproving before leaving the room. Lux glared at her retreating back. She looked for something to throw and found nothing. Instead she hurled the tray of food at the door.

Two male nurses entered the room and advanced toward Lux. Her eyes narrowed in on the needle in one of their hands. She screamed as they forcibly grabbed her arm and gave her a sedative. Within seconds, Lux's body went limp.


	3. Crazy

"Hi Lux. How are you feeling today?" Abby said when she entered Lux's hospital room.

"If I tell you, will you give the TV back?" Lux said, glaring at Abby.

Abby smiled slightly. "That depends."

"On what?" Lux asked.

"You," Abby said simply. "When I feel like you're making progress, you can have TV privileges again."

Lux's hands balled into fists underneath the covers. She hated Abby with every fiber of her being, but she knew she would have to play along. She decided to tell Abby what she wanted to hear. She forced herself to smile through gritted teeth. "OK. I'm feeling better today."

Abby studied Lux. The teen was obviously trying to look happy, but she was failing miserably. Lux's attempt at a smile came off as more of a pained grimace. She avoided Abby's gaze when she spoke.

"It seems like you have a lot of anger towards your biological parents. How do you feel about being given up for adoption?" Abby asked.

Lux bit her lip. She knew she needed to give Abby the right answers, the answers that would get her out of here, but she didn't know what the right answer was. She'd already told Abby too much. If she acted like she was content to be in foster care, Abby would know she was lying through her teeth. If she told the truth, Abby would think she was certifiably insane. It was a no-win situation.

"My birth parents didn't want me," Lux finally said. She shrugged, attempting to look nonchalant.

Abby's brown eyes bored into Lux's blue eyes.

Lux waited for Abby to say something, but Abby just sat there staring at her. Lux shifted uncomfortably. "I mean, I used to want them to come back for me, but now I just want to get out of foster care. I'm gonna get emancipated when I turn sixteen." Lux couldn't help it. The words just came spilling out of her mouth. She watched in horror as Abby jotted notes down in her file. If she kept this up, she'd be in a straight jacket in no time. She needed to act happy and well-adjusted, not angry at the world, Lux knew. It was hard to feign happiness when she was filled with a rage so intense it scared her.

"You don't want to be adopted?" Abby asked.

Lux snickered. "No one wanted me when I was little. You think someone's gonna want me now?" Lux shook her head. "No one wants to adopt a teenager."

Abby nodded. "You said your foster parents deal prescription drugs?" She watched Lux's reaction carefully. She didn't know if Lux had been being honest or just trying to get a reaction out of her.

"Where do you think I got the painkillers?" Lux smirked.

"Have you been with any foster families you liked?" Abby asked.

Lux stared at Abby and smiled slightly before shaking her head. It was funny how most people thought foster care was a picnic. They just didn't understand that no one wanted to take foster kids in unless they came with a government check.

"Tell me about the foster family you liked the most," Abby tried again.

"That's like saying tell me what disease you like the most," Lux said dryly.

Abby looked at Lux expectantly.

"A few years ago I was with a foster home out in Gresham. The mom, she was awful." Lux squeezed her eyes shut and leaned back against the headboard as bad memories swam to the surface. She crossed her arms in front of her chest protectively. "But this one Christmas, she gave me this locket. It was cheap costume jewelry that someone had given her that she didn't want. But I wore it until it broke." Lux shrugged. "It was something. Something is better than nothing." Lux stared intently at her bedding, not able to meet Abby's gaze.

Abby scribbled away furiously. Lux watched apprehensively. When Abby looked up from Lux's file, the teen was wringing her hands together nervously. "So…am I crazy?"

Abby smiled slightly, but didn't answer. Instead, she stood up. "I'll be back tomorrow."

"Wait," Lux said quickly. "The TV?"

Abby nodded. "I'll have an orderly bring it in."

"When can I get out of here?" Lux asked, her voice almost a whisper.

Abby paused in the doorway, studying Lux. "I thought you weren't in a hurry to get out of here?"

Lux just shrugged.

"I don't know. I can't release you until I'm positive you're no longer a threat to yourself," Abby said.

Lux nodded dully.

She didn't know why she wanted to get out of the hospital. It was better than Sunnyvale. At least she wasn't sharing a room with six other kids.

It's not like Lux had anything waiting for her outside of the hospital. She didn't have a family. She'd broken up with her boyfriend. Her best friend had just moved to a foster home three hours away.

But being locked up in the hospital was driving Lux crazy. She was never alone. Someone was always watching her because she was under suicide watch. Abby was getting on her last nerve. And the boredom was unbearable.

Lux reached for the phone on her beside table and dialed Tasha. She smiled when she heard her best friend's voice. "Tash."

"Lux!" Tasha cried out excitedly.

"How is it out there?" Lux asked.

"They wanted a babysitter," Tasha replied.

"I miss you," Lux said, her voice thick with tears. "I miss you so much it hurts."

"I miss you, too," Tasha replied.

"Can you come visit?" Lux said, her tone pleading.

"I'm three hours away," Tasha pointed out.

"I know. It's just, I really need to see you," Lux said desperately. She heard footsteps approaching and said a hasty goodbye before slamming the receiver down.

Lux fought back tears, not wanting the orderly to see her crying. He set the TV up and then left. Lux waited until she was alone. She cried silently, burying her head in the pillow.

She didn't have anyone or anything. The one person who had always been there for her was three hours away. The only visitor Lux had was a shrink who thought she was completely crazy.


	4. Exposed

"I'm Fern, Lux's case worker." An African American woman extended her hand.

Abby smiled politely. "I'm Abby, Lux's therapist." She shook Fern's hand and gestured to the chair opposite her desk.

Abby waited for Fern to sit down. "Tell me about Lux."

"I'm afraid I haven't been with Lux very long. She tends to change hands a lot. She's been in and out of seven different foster homes," Fern said.

"Lux is pretty. Blonde hair. Blue eyes. Why wasn't she adopted?" Abby asked.

Fern sighed. "There are waiting lists for babies, but Lux was born with a heart defect. She was in the hospital until she was almost three. Most people want babies."

Abby frowned. "Has Lux ever been abused?"

Fern shuffled through Lux's file. "Yes. She was removed from a foster home when she was six. Her case worker noticed several bruises."

Abby nodded and made a notation in Lux's file. She'd guessed as much. Lux obviously didn't trust people, especially Abby. She pushed people away because she was scared of getting hurt. "Does Lux have any behavioral problems?"

"She's been caught shoplifting a few times," Fern replied.

"How are her grades?" Abby asked.

Fern glanced down at Lux's file. "She has a 2.0 GPA at Longfellow. She scored in the 98th percentile on the PSAT."

Abby sighed. She'd known Lux was smart. She could practically see the wheels spinning in the teen's head when they talked. She questioned everything Lux said. She wouldn't put it past Lux to lie in order to get out of the hospital. "Lux mentioned something about getting emancipated."

"She wants to get emancipated from foster care when she turns sixteen. I told her it's unlikely that a judge will grant her emancipation, but Lux, she's stubborn." Fern smiled slightly.

"Was this before she overdosed?" Abby asked, wondering if Lux had decided she'd rather be dead than spend two more years in foster care.

Fern frowned. "It was a few weeks ago."

"Has anything else in Lux's life changed in the last few weeks?" Abby asked.

Fern nodded. "Yes, Lux's friend, Natasha, was placed in a foster home three hours away from Portland. Lux was very upset."

Abby looked up in surprise. "When did Natasha move?"

Fern thought for a moment. She gasped. "The day before Lux tried to kill herself. I can't believe I didn't… I should've…"

"It's not your fault," Abby said gently. "Thank you for your time. Would you mind if I make a copy of Lux's file before you leave?"

"Of course." Fern handed Abby the manila envelope she was holding.

* * *

"Hi Lux. How are you feeling today?"

Lux looked up. She forced herself to smile. "Hi. Fine. How are you?" Lux's tone was unusually sweet.

"I'm fine," Abby replied, regarding Lux suspiciously. She sat down beside Lux and met her gaze. "Tell me about your friends."

"Tasha, she's my best friend. We met at Sunnyvale. She kept asking when her mom was coming to get her. I told her she probably wasn't. I asked her if she wanted to do a crossword puzzle with me." Lux smiled slightly. "We've been friends ever since."

Abby smiled. "It sounds like she was the first person who was really there for you."

Lux nodded.

"It must be hard when you guys are placed in different foster homes," Abby said gently.

Lux swallowed. She couldn't talk about Tasha leaving without crying. She definitely didn't want to cry in front of Abby. Abby already thought she was a nut job. If she broke down, there was no way she was getting out of here, Lux knew. "It doesn't matter where we are. We're always just waiting."

"For what?" Abby asked.

They'd always been waiting for the one thing they wanted more than anything else. To be wanted. Lux had finally realized that wasn't going to happen. No one wanted her when she was a baby. No one was going to want her now.

Now Lux just wanted to get emancipated. She didn't want to have to rely on stupid grown-ups for anything ever again.

Tasha was her family. Lux and Tasha were going to move in together. If Lux could just wait a little while longer, it was almost her sixteenth birthday.

"Lux?" Abby's voice brought Lux back from her thoughts.

"To, uh, get emancipated. To get out of foster care," Lux said. It sounded like Lux was trying to convince herself as well as Abby.

"Lux, where is Tasha?" Abby asked, her tone firm.

"It doesn't matter," Lux said again, struggling to keep her tone even.

"Is Natasha at Sunnyvale?" Abby asked, though she already knew the answer.

"No! She's three hours away, OK? Does that make you happy?" Lux cried out. She stared at Abby as realization dawned on her. "Wait a minute, you just said Natasha." Lux's tone was accusatory.

Abby nodded.

"But I told you my best friend's name was Tasha," Lux said, narrowing her eyes suspiciously.

Abby bit her lip. "Tasha is usually short for Natasha."

Lux glared at Abby. "You want me to be honest with you and you sit here and lie to my face."

"Lux…"

"No!" Lux said angrily. She knew Abby had talked to Fern. She closed her eyes. She should have known Abby would talk to Fern, but it hadn't occurred to her. She'd been too concerned that she was letting too much slip to worry about what her case worker was sharing with her shrink. She felt totally exposed. Now Abby knew everything about her. If it wasn't bad enough that Abby knew no one had ever wanted her, now Abby also knew every detail of her fifteen years. Lux's cheeks burned. Tears stung her eyes.

"I'm trying to help you," Abby said.

"I don't want your help!" Lux shouted. "I don't want to be here!"

"You're here because you took an entire bottle of prescription painkillers," Abby reminded Lux.

"No, I'm here…" Lux stopped suddenly. She knew better than to finish the sentence. _No, I'm here because they found me_, Lux thought miserably. If no one had found her, she wouldn't be here. She wouldn't be stuck in this hospital with a nosey shrink. She wouldn't be missing her best friend so bad it hurt.

Lux couldn't do anything right. Not even kill herself. No wonder no one wanted her. She was a screw-up.

"You're here because why?" Abby pressed.

Lux glared at Abby. "Because you won't let me leave."

"No, I won't. You're not leaving until you stop fighting me and let me help you," Abby said firmly. "I'll be back tomorrow."

Lux screamed in frustration once Abby was out of earshot.

A nurse appeared, frowning in concern. "Are you OK?"

"No, I'm not OK! How could I be OK?" Lux said hysterically.

The nurse disappeared. Lux breathed a sigh of relief.

Her relief lasted less than a minute before two male nurses approached her. Lux knew they were going to drug her again. "No! NO!" She screamed at the top of her lungs, fighting. She felt one of the nurse's iron clad grips on her arm and the pinch of a needle in her skin and then everything went black.


	5. True Lies

Lux struggled to open her eyes. She still felt groggy, an aftereffect of the sedative. She smiled when she saw Tasha curled up beside her. "Tash?"

Lux touched her friend gently, almost to confirm that it was really her friend and not her mind playing tricks on her.

Tasha's eyes fluttered open. "Hey." She grinned.

"Tash. What are you doing here?" Lux struggled to sit up. She felt slightly dizzy. The stupid sedatives always left her feeling fuzzy. She wished they'd stop drugging her.

"I hitchhiked." Tasha smirked.

Lux hugged Tasha. "I knew you'd come," she said quietly.

"Why are you in the psych ward?" Tasha asked, making a face. "They wouldn't even let me see you. I had to sneak in."

Lux shrugged. Tasha didn't know the real reason she was in the hospital. Lux didn't want her to know. "It's a good thing you're stealth."

"Remember when we snuck into that concert?" Tasha said.

Lux nodded, grinning. "I missed my partner in crime."

Tasha smiled slightly. "I missed you, too."

"Yeah, well, I turn sixteen in a month. I can get emancipated. We can move in together. We'll always be together," Lux said.

Tasha frowned. "Lux, they're not gonna approve you."

Lux's face fell. "What are you saying?"

"Come on, Lux. Your grades are crap. You don't have a job. You're in the psych ward. There's no way you're gonna get emancipated," Tasha said.

"My grades are better than yours. I have three thousand dollars in the bank! I'll be out of the hospital!" Lux said, her voice slightly hysterical.

"You know I want to get out of foster care, too, but I don't wanna get my hopes up," Tasha said.

"We had a plan," Lux protested.

"To infinity and beyond. I know! Look, I'm not saying you shouldn't try. All I'm saying is the judge might not approve you," Tasha said.

Lux swallowed a lump in the back of her throat. She forced herself to smile. "Yeah, you're right. Would you do me a favor before you leave?"

"Anything." Tasha smiled.

Lux stared at the floor. "Fern, she brought some of my stuff, you know, but she forgot to bring me a razor. My legs are disgusting. Would you go buy me a razor from the gift shop?"

Tasha nodded. "Do you need shaving cream, too?"

"Yeah," Lux replied.

* * *

Abby finished her last appointment and sat down at her desk. She picked Lux's file up and began to skim through it.

Abby couldn't help but feel bad for the poor kid after hearing about her past. Lux had a bad childhood. Worse than most. And Abby had heard her fair share of sob stories. Most of them didn't affect her.

Abby liked Lux. She didn't know why. The teen was a pain in the ass. She lied through her teeth. She was always prepared with a snarky sarcastic comeback. Abby knew Lux used sarcasm to deflect from real issues that would cause her to feel something, anything. Lux actually reminded Abby of her sister.

Abby smiled slightly as she focused on Lux's file. She was determined to help the teenager. It seemed like no one else had ever tried to help her.

Abby's eyes stopped when she saw her sister's name. Why was her sister's name in Lux's file?

Abby knew the answer before she read it in the file. Cate was Lux's birth mom. That's why Lux reminded Abby of Cate.

Abby sat back in her chair. That meant that she was Lux's aunt. This was a lot to take in.

Abby reached for the phone on her desk. She dialed her sister's number, but hung up before Cate picked up. Should she tell Cate? What would she say?

_Hi Cate. You know your daughter? She tried to kill herself. Just thought you should know._ Abby rolled her eyes.

The phone rang. Abby stared at it. She had a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach. She knew it would be Cate and she didn't know what to say. "Hello?"

"Did you just call me and hang up?" Cate demanded.

Abby swore under her breath. "Yeah. I need to talk to you."

"Then why did you hang up?" Cate asked.

"My other line was ringing," Abby lied. "Can you stop by the hospital?"

"OK. I'll be there in about fifteen minutes."

Great. So Abby had fifteen minutes to figure out how to tell Cate her daughter had tried to kill herself. Abby massaged her temples. She was getting a headache just imagining Cate's reaction. It wasn't going to be pretty, Abby knew.

Abby glanced down at Lux's file again. She wanted to double check that Cate really was listed as Lux's biological mother. Sure enough, it was there in black and white. Abby's gaze shifted to Lux's biological father and she stared open-mouthed.

Cate knocked softly on Abby's door before opening it. "Hey."

"Did you sleep with Nate Bazile?" Abby blurted out.

Cate stared at Abby open-mouthed. "No," she lied.

"I'm a therapist, Cate! I can tell when people are lying!" Abby cried out.

"OK, I'm not lying," Cate said unconvincingly.

"You can't look me in the eyes," Abby pointed out.

Cate swallowed. "How did you even-"

Abby practically threw Lux's file at her sister.

"What's this?" Cate picked it up and began reading. She gasped in horror when she realized it was her daughter's file. "How did you get this?" She asked, her voice abnormally high.

"I'm her therapist," Abby replied.

"Her therapist? Why does she need a therapist? What's wrong with her?" Cate asked a few of the many questions she was dying to know the answers to.

Abby sighed. "You know I can't tell you that."

"I'm her mother," Cate said angrily.

Abby shook her head. "Not legally."

"You're my sister," Cate said through gritted teeth. "I'm asking you to help me."

"By breaking doctor-patient confidentiality," Abby pointed out, giving Cate a hard look. "That's not fair."

"Is she OK?" Cate asked quietly.

"Physically she's OK. Psychologically she has a lot of issues," Abby replied.

"You can stop with the psycho-babble! You got your degree online," Cate said with a tinge of annoyance.

"It was one class," Abby said defensively, shooting Cate a dirty look.

Cate rolled her eyes. She began reading Lux's file. "She has Ventricular Septal Defect. What does that mean?"

"She was born with a heart defect. She was in the hospital until she was almost three," Abby explained.

Cate looked like she was about to cry.

"She's fine now," Abby said quickly.

"If she's so fine, why does she need a shrink?" Cate asked skeptically.

Abby bit her lip. "Keep reading."

Cate nodded. "She was abused!" She cried out a few minutes later.

"She's been through a lot," Abby said.

Cate's face was ashen. "They told me there were these waiting lists. She'd be adopted. She'd be better off." She shook her head. "I should have checked. I should have-"

"Cate, this isn't your fault. You can't blame yourself," Abby said gently.

Cate's expression was grim. "How can I not blame myself? I'm her mother. I should have been there for her."

"You were sixteen," Abby pointed out. "You couldn't have taken care of a kid. You did what you thought was right."

Cate swallowed. "It wasn't right. It wasn't enough."


	6. Nothing

Lux pasted a smile on her face. She hugged Tasha. "Thanks for coming, Tash," she said softly. "I love you."

"No problem," Tasha replied. She handed Lux a small plastic bag from the hospital gift shop and waved one last time as she crept out of Lux's room.

_I should be an actress_, Lux thought.

Tasha knew Lux better than anyone else did, and she didn't know that something was terribly wrong. If Lux could fool her best friend into thinking she was OK, she could fool anyone. Anyone except Abby. For some reason, Abby always seemed to know when Lux was lying. It was one of many reasons the shrink annoyed Lux.

Lux thought seeing Tasha would be the one thing that could make her feel better, but it hadn't. If possible, it had made her feel even worse. When Tasha told Lux there was no way she would get emancipated, what little hope Lux had held onto was lost.

Lux had tried to convince herself that if she could just hold on a little while longer, she'd be sixteen and she could get emancipated. Get out of foster care. Move in with Tasha. They were family. They had to be together. They just had to be. Without Tasha, Lux had nothing. Absolutely nothing.

She'd never had the one thing she'd always wanted. Parents. No one knew how that felt. No one understood. Not even Tasha.

Tasha's mom was awful, but at least Tasha had something. Tasha's mom hadn't given her away to nothing. Child Protective Services took Tasha away when her mom was arrested for drug use. Tasha didn't know what it felt like to be unwanted. To have nothing.

That was what Lux had. Nothing. Her parents hadn't wanted her. Her best friend was three hours away. Her boyfriend had left town because of her. _Ex-boyfriend_, Lux corrected herself. _No one_ wanted her.

Lux was so tired. Tired of being unwanted. Tired of being in foster care. Tired of being in this stupid hospital. She just wanted it all to be over. Anything would be better than this. It had to be. Nothing could be worse.

"Lux, what are you doing?"

Lux jumped. She turned and saw a nurse standing in the doorway of her room. She glared at the nurse. "Taking a shower. Do you have a problem with that?"

The nurse rolled her eyes. "No."

* * *

"This is her room." Abby led the way into Lux's hospital room. She'd finally agreed to let Cate see her daughter.

Cate had been bound and determined to find Lux. Abby knew Cate well enough to know she wouldn't let it go. If Abby hadn't taken Cate to Lux, Cate would have found another way.

Abby narrowed her eyes, frowning when she saw Lux's empty bed. Lux wasn't allowed to leave her room.

Abby flagged down a nurse. "Where's Lux?" She asked, her tone accusatory.

"In the shower," the nurse replied with a tinge of annoyance.

Abby knocked on the bathroom door. "Lux?"

There was no answer.

"Lux!" Abby called again, banging on the door. She didn't hear water running. She opened the door and gasped. "Cate, push the call button!"

"What? Why?" Cate asked, struggling to catch a glimpse of her daughter.

"Just do it! Now!" Abby said, her tone harsher than she intended.

Cate nodded slowly. "OK," she said when she realized Abby couldn't see her.

"Go wait in my office!" Abby said, her tone pleading.

"No!"

Cate needed to see her daughter. She needed to know if her daughter was OK. She didn't think she'd be able to live with herself if Lux wasn't OK.

Cate had never been this scared before in her life. She knew it would be bad, but she hadn't expected it to be this bad. The color drained from Cate's face when she caught sight of Lux.

Lux's unconscious body was crumpled on the tile floor. A razor lay discarded at her feet. There was so much blood.

Cate covered her mouth with her hand. The scene was making her sick, but she couldn't tear her eyes away from her daughter. She knelt down beside Lux.

"She's not moving!" Cate cried out.

Abby's face contorted in pain as she watched her sister standing over Lux. She didn't want Cate to see this. Why couldn't Cate have just listened to her for once? Cate and Lux were so much alike. Too stubborn for their own good.

"Is she alive?" Cate asked, her voice thick with tears.

"She has a pulse, but it's weak," Abby replied.

They watched as Lux's body was moved from the floor to the hospital bed. Cate gripped onto Abby's hand. A doctor immediately started working on Lux.

Cate's eyes filled. "Is she gonna be OK?" She asked desperately.

"Cate, come on. You have to let him do his job." Abby's tone was firm.

Cate staggered toward the door. Abby put her arm around Cate's shoulders and guided her sister to her office.

Cate sank down into a chair. She stared at Abby through watery eyes. "Is she gonna be OK?"

Abby bit her lip. She'd been fighting back tears since she burst into the bathroom. She knew she had to be strong for Cate. "I don't know."

Cate's eyes widened. She stared at Abby in shock and horror. "She has to be OK!"

"Cate…"

"She has to be OK!" Cate cried out again. "You're her therapist! You should have known! You should have done something!"

Abby made a face. "You can't put this on me. She's suicidal. She's here _because_ she tried to kill herself. She took an entire bottle of prescription painkillers and chased them with vodka! I've had her on suicide watch. I don't know how she got a razor."

Cate swallowed. Her daughter had tried to end her own life. Twice. "I'm sorry," she said softly. "It's not your fault. It's mine."

Abby shook her head. "No. Cate, this is about Lux."

"Why?" Cate managed tearfully.

"She's been through more than you realize. Probably more than I even realize," Abby said. Tears stung her eyes.


	7. Bad Timing

Abby's pager beeped. She glanced down at it. "I'll be right back," she told Cate.

Abby waited for a response. After a moment, she realized she wasn't going to get one. She couldn't tell if Cate had even heard her.

They'd been sitting in Abby's office for less than an hour, but it felt like a lifetime as they waited for word on Lux.

Abby was almost relieved when her pager went off. She needed something to get her mind off Lux, to make the time go by faster.

She darted one last glance back at her sister before leaving. She hoped Cate would be OK. Cate had alternated between crying hysterically and repeating _she has to be OK_ over and over again for the last forty-nine minutes.

"Dr. Cassidy." Dr. Cooper nodded. "I ordered a blood transfusion and a sedative for Lux."

Abby tried to read Dr. Cooper's expression, searching for any additional information on Lux's condition. "She's OK?" Abby knew she sounded more like Lux's aunt than her therapist at the moment, but she didn't care.

Dr. Cooper nodded curtly. "I won't release her for at least a week," Dr. Cooper said.

Abby nodded. She probably wouldn't release Lux for well over a week. The teen had tried to kill herself twice. Lux obviously had a death wish. Abby was going to make sure that wish didn't become a reality.

Abby took a deep breath, preparing herself, before entering Lux's room. Lux's wrists were bandaged with gauze. Both of the teen's arms were held to her bed with restraints to ensure she couldn't hurt herself when the sedative wore off. Lux's face was pallid. Abby swallowed a lump in the back of her throat.

Abby retrieved an extra blanket from the closet and carefully covered Lux, making sure the teen's wrist was obscured from view. She brushed a golden lock back from Lux's face, smiling sadly.

Abby double-checked the bathroom to make sure it had been cleaned. It had. There was no trace of the blood that had covered the floor a mere hour ago.

Abby knew Cate would insist on seeing Lux. It would be hard on Cate to see her daughter lying in a hospital bed, but Abby was trying to make it as painless as possible. Cate didn't need to see the evidence that Lux had in fact taken a razor blade to her wrists. At least not for a second time that night.

Abby sighed. She knew Cate had already seen too much. The first time Cate had seen her daughter in years would haunt Cate for the rest of her life.

Abby returned to her office. It didn't look like Cate had moved. Cate didn't even look up when Abby entered.

"Cate?"

"She has to be OK," Cate muttered.

"Cate." Abby touched her sister's shoulder gently. "Lux is OK."

Cate looked up at Abby through watery eyes. Cate's face was streaked with tears. It surprised her that she was this upset when she didn't even know Lux. "Can I see her?"

Abby met Cate's gaze. "Dr. Cooper gave her a sedative. She's sleeping."

Cate stood up. "I have to see her. I have to know that she's OK," she said desperately.

A mixture of emotions overcame Cate when she saw Lux. Sadness. Horror. Self-hate.

Beneath all of the bad feelings, Cate also felt slightly happy. When she'd given her daughter up for adoption, she hadn't thought she would ever see her child again. Cate still couldn't believe she was looking at her daughter after all this time.

The last time Cate had seen Lux, she'd been a newborn baby. She'd been so little. Almost like a doll. Now she was so big. Lux still looked vulnerable. It didn't help that she was lying in a hospital bed.

How had she gotten here? How had the sweet baby girl Cate had given up for adoption ended up in this place? What could be so bad that Lux would want to end her own life? She was supposed to be better off than she would have been with Cate. Cate should have checked on her daughter.

Abby watched her sister. Cate stared at Lux, unable to take her eyes off the daughter she'd given up. "She has blonde hair," Cate murmured so softly Abby could barely hear her.

Even though Cate had seen Lux an hour ago, she'd been too freaked out by the blood to pay attention to anything else. Cate and Baze both had dark hair. Cate felt slightly disappointed that her daughter didn't look like her.

"Your facial expressions are similar," Abby commented.

Cate looked up, taking her eyes off Lux for the first time since they entered the room. She felt slightly jealous that her sister knew more about her daughter than she did. "Really?" She asked hopefully, smiling slightly.

Abby nodded. "She's a lot like you. Snarky. Sarcastic. Stubborn," she said, laughing.

Cate glared at Abby. "I am not stubborn!"

Abby rolled her eyes. "Smart. Funny," she continued. "She pushes people away because she's afraid of rejection."

Cate turned back to Lux. She hesitated before stroking Lux's hair gently. She was surprised how natural the gesture felt. "She's beautiful."

"Yeah. I'm surprised she was never adopted. Even with her heart defect," Abby said.

"If I'd just kept her-"

"You were sixteen. You couldn't take care of a kid," Abby said, more harshly than she intended.

"I'm her mom!" Cate said indignantly.

Abby hesitated. As soon as she's seen Lux on the floor of the bathroom, she'd known Cate wouldn't be able to be a part of Lux's life. At least not now. She also knew her sister wouldn't take the news well. "She doesn't know that," Abby said tentatively.

Cate stared at her, her chocolate eyes glistening with fresh tears.

"Lux doesn't cope with change well. Her best friend was moved to a foster home that was three hours away just before she tried to kill herself. This isn't the right time for you to come back into her life," Abby explained.

Cate frowned. "Her friend leaving, that was a bad change. This is a good change," she said uncertainly. She didn't know how her daughter would react to meeting her. Would Lux hate Cate for giving her up? Would Lux even want to get to know her? Now that Cate knew her daughter hadn't had anyone who was there for her, she wanted more than anything to be there for Lux now.

Abby chewed her bottom lip as she considered the best way to tell Cate that Lux might not see meeting her mother as a good thing. "Cate, Lux has a lot of anger toward you."

"If I can just talk to her, I can explain," Cate said quickly with a hint of desperation in her voice.

"I'm not saying you can't be a part of Lux's life. I'm just saying you need to give her time. I can help her-"

Cate crossed her arms in front of her chest defiantly and glared at her sister. "You don't get to decide whether or not I can be with my daughter!"

Cate looked very much like Lux, Abby thought. Her expression was almost identical to the one the teenager usually directed at Abby. Lux was usually a little angrier than Cate, though. Abby sighed. "Actually I can. The only reason you're allowed in this room right now is because you're with me. Lux isn't allowed any visitors."

"I'm her mom!" Cate cried out.

"Not legally," Abby pointed out.

"I can't believe you're really doing this. You would really keep me from my daughter," Cate said thickly.

"That's not what I'm trying to do, Cate!" Abby said, raising her voice. "I'm trying to do what's best for your kid! She's tried to kill herself twice! She doesn't cope with change well. This is the worst possible time for her biological mother to come back into her life. Stop being so self-centered! Think about what Lux needs."

Cate swallowed a lump in the back of her throat. She nodded slowly. "I want to do what's best for her," she said quietly.

"I'm not trying to keep you from her. I just want to help Lux. I think it would be a good idea for you to meet her. When she's feeling better," Abby said.

Cate's face fell, but she nodded.

"She'll be out of it for awhile. You can stay with her." Abby smiled at her sister. "I'm gonna go talk to security. I want to find out how Lux got her hands on a razor."

Cate waited until Abby left the room. She folded the blanket covering Lux down so she could hold her daughter's hand. She wanted so badly to be close to Lux.

Cate frowned when she saw the bandages covering Lux's wrists and the restraints holding the teen's arms in place. Fresh tears welled up in her eyes. She squeezed her eyes shut. She couldn't get the image of her daughter lying on the bathroom floor in a pool of her own blood out of her mind.

Cate swallowed hard. She gently gripped Lux's hand, which was difficult because of the restraints. She smiled sadly at her daughter. "I know I wasn't there for you in the past. I'll never forgive myself for that. I want you to know that I'm gonna be here for you now. Whatever you need. Even if you need me to give you some time. Giving you up, it was the hardest thing I ever had to do. Until now. Leaving you here…" Cate broke off.

Leaving Lux alone in the hospital was even harder than giving her up had been. When Cate gave Lux up, she thought her daughter would be better off. Now she knew she was leaving her kid alone again. Cate wondered if Abby was right. How could something that felt so wrong be the right thing to do?


	8. Think Positive

Lux's wrists stung. Her arms throbbed. Still half-asleep, she tried to shift to a more comfortable position, but she couldn't move. She couldn't move! What was wrong with her?

Her eyes fluttered open. She shot bolt upright in her bed on the verge of a panic attack. She scowled when she saw the restraints holding her arms in place. She struggled against them with all her might, groaning with the effort, but it was no use.

Abby heard Lux rustling around and hurried to her side. She'd been sitting in the chair beside Lux's bed all night. "Lux, take a deep breath. Calm down."

"How can I calm down when I can't move?" Lux cried out, continuing to struggle.

"The restraints are just so you can't hurt yourself," Abby said gently.

Lux glared daggers at Abby. "Are you sure they're not so I can't hurt you?" She asked, venom in her voice.

"Do you want another sedative?" Abby raised her eyebrows.

"No!" Lux yelped. She met Abby's gaze and swallowed. "Please," she added, her tone begging.

Abby released Lux from the restraints. The teen rubbed her arms where they had been. Abby stopped Lux before she could touch her bandaged wrists.

"They hurt," Lux whined.

"Yeah, because you cut yourself," Abby said, giving Lux a hard look.

Tears stung Lux's eyes. She'd wanted to end her pain. Not make it worse.

Just when Lux thought things couldn't possibly get worse, they did. Things were going to get a lot worse before they could get better, she knew.

Lux took one look at Abby's hard expression and knew she wasn't going anywhere anytime soon. She had a feeling what little freedom and privacy she'd had would be stripped from her now.

Abby frowned in concern. "Lux, what's wrong?"

"You're never gonna let me out of here, are you?" Lux asked, a hint of desperation in her voice.

"You've tried to kill yourself twice. You're going to have to prove you're no longer a threat to yourself before I release you," Abby said.

Lux nodded dully.

"How long that takes is up to you." Abby waited for Lux to meet her gaze. "You need to be honest with me. And with yourself. Otherwise we're not going to make any progress." Abby hesitated. "Lux, how did you get the razor?"

Abby already knew the answer. She just wanted to see if Lux would tell her the truth.

Abby had watched the security tape. She'd had a feeling the friend who snuck into Lux's room and gave her a razor was Natasha. Fern had confirmed Abby's suspicion.

Abby was so angry. This should never have happened. She had Lux on twenty-four hour suicide watch. The nurses were supposed to keep an eye on her. The nurse who'd been on duty had been suspended, but her suspension was little consolation. It didn't change anything.

Lux looked up, surprised. "What?"

Abby held Lux's gaze. "How did you get the razor?" She repeated.

Lux wrung her hands together in her lap nervously. She tried to come up with an excuse that didn't sound completely insane. She was drawing a blank. Razors didn't just appear out of thin air.

Lux contemplated telling the truth. Abby already knew she'd slit her wrists. Would the way Lux got the razor really make things any worse for her? "My friend, she gave it to me," Lux finally said.

"Who is your friend?" Abby asked.

"Tasha," Lux replied. "But she didn't know why I wanted it. I told her Fern brought some of my things over, but she forgot a razor and I needed to shave." Lux didn't want Tasha to get in trouble for helping her.

Abby studied Lux. "It wasn't very smart to give someone who had just tried to commit suicide a razor," she pointed out.

"Tasha doesn't know what happened," Lux said.

"Why didn't you tell her?" Abby asked.

"I don't know. I just didn't!" Lux said defensively.

"If she's a good friend, she'll understand," Abby said gently.

"No one understands!" Lux cried out.

"I want to understand," Abby said.

"You can't! No one can! How can anyone else possibly understand how it feels not to be wanted? Not to have anyone?" Lux shook her head. "Tasha's in foster care now, but her mom didn't give her away like she was nothing. Like she didn't matter," Lux said, her voice thick with tears. "Child Protective Services took her away. Her mom, she was awful, but she always wanted Tasha. No one has ever wanted me in fifteen years!"

Abby smiled sadly. "You've been through a lot, but everyone faces rejection."

"Not from their parents!" Lux argued.

Abby thought of her own father who had walked out on them when she was four. She couldn't even remember what he looked like. She knew Lux wasn't the only one who had been rejected by a parent. "You don't know why your parents gave you up for adoption. Maybe they wanted you, but they couldn't take care of you."

Lux shook her head. "You don't know that! If they wanted me, why didn't they check on me? Why didn't they come back for me when they could take care of me?" Her voice was almost a whisper.

Abby's face fell. She struggled to remain professional when all she wanted to do was tell Lux that everything would be OK. "Do you want to meet your biological parents?"

Lux avoided Abby's gaze. She struggled to keep her voice even. "No." It was a bald-faced lie. She'd always wanted her parents. She wouldn't admit that she wanted them when they obviously wanted nothing to do with her. It was embarrassing to say the least. No one wanted her. Not even her parents.

Abby frowned when Lux looked down. Lux had been making progress and now she was shutting down. "Sometimes it helps to get answers. The only way you can do that is by talking to your parents."

Lux glared at Abby. "It's kinda hard to do that when I don't even know who they are," she muttered. She didn't think she'd want to talk to her parents even if she did know who they were. It would hurt too much if they told her that she was right, that they'd never wanted her.

Abby chewed her bottom lip. She was on thin ice, she knew. She didn't know how much she should say. She also didn't know how much she could say legally. She decided to change the subject before she said something she'd regret. "Did anything happen yesterday?"

Lux knew Abby meant before she cut herself. She fidgeted with her blanket as she considered how to answer. "Tasha said she doesn't think we'll get emancipated."

"Do you think you will?" Abby asked.

Lux swallowed. She met Abby's gaze. Abby noticed the tears in Lux's ocean blue eyes. Lux shook her head. "No."

"How do you feel about that?" Abby asked.

"About another two years being bounced around crappy foster homes?" Lux said dully. "Not good."

"Maybe you'll get adopted," Abby said.

Lux rolled her eyes. "No one's gonna take me unless there's a government check."

"Think positive," Abby suggested.

"If you think I'm just being negative, I'm not!" Lux snapped. "I'm being realistic."

"People who have a positive outlook on life are happier," Abby said.

Lux shot Abby a dark look. "People who get their hopes up are disappointed."

"Not always," Abby said quietly.

"Yes, always," Lux replied.

"You've been disappointed before," Abby said gently. "There must have been some time in your life when you were pleasantly surprised."

Lux stared at Abby. "It'd be a pleasant surprise if you released me."

Abby smiled slightly. Lux was a witty kid. She was so much like Cate. Abby couldn't believe she hadn't picked up on the similarities earlier. "I can't do that, but I will let you rest for awhile."

Abby nearly collided with Cate when she stepped out of Lux's hospital room. Cate wouldn't leave the hospital even though she'd agreed to wait to meet Lux. She still wanted to be there in case something happened.

Abby had kicked her out of Lux's room a few hours ago. She didn't know when the sedative would wear off. It looked as though Cate had been waiting just outside Lux's hospital room since then. Abby wasn't surprised.

"How is she?" Cate asked immediately.

"She's actually doing pretty well all things considered. If our next session goes well, she might be ready to meet you," Abby said.

"Really?" Cate asked hopefully.

Abby smiled. "Really."

Cate smiled slightly.

"You look like hell. You should go home and get some rest." Abby smirked.

"No," Cate said quickly. "I don't want to leave her."

"Cate, she's under twenty-four hour suicide watch. The nurse who was on duty when her friend snuck in has been suspended. Nothing's gonna happen," Abby assured her sister.

Cate looked unconvinced.


	9. Setback

Lux stirred. She shifted to an upright position in her bed. She rubbed her eyes groggily.

At first she thought she was dreaming when she saw her ex-boyfriend, Bug, sitting beside her. She stared at him bleary-eyed. She reached out and touched him. She didn't believe he was real until she felt his hard chest.

Bug grinned crookedly. "Hey."

"Hey. What are you doing here?" She asked, confused. "I mean, I'm so glad you are."

"Tasha called. She told me you were in the hospital," Bug replied.

Lux frowned. "We broke up. Why did you come?"

Bug stood up. "I love you, Lux. I want to be here for you."

Lux smiled slightly. "I love you, too."

Bug grinned. He sat down on the hospital bed and wrapped an arm around Lux. She rested her head on his shoulder. She looked up suddenly, noticing what he was wearing for the first time. "Why are you wearing scrubs?" She smirked.

"It's harder to break into your hospital room than it is to break out of Supermax," Bug explained. He glanced down at the blue hospital uniform and smirked. "Do I look like a doctor?"

"More like an orderly," Lux said lightly. There weren't many tattooed doctors running around the hospital.

"Are you OK?" Bug asked gently.

"Not really, no," Lux replied.

"Are you worried about your emancipation hearing?" Bug asked knowingly.

Lux nodded. "I'm not gonna get emancipated. It was stupid to think I would."

Bug smiled sympathetically. "Only two more years and then you're eighteen."

"I just…I can't do this anymore." Lux's voice was barely a whisper. "Not for two more years. Not at all."

"So let's go somewhere where no one will find you until you're eighteen," Bug suggested.

Lux looked up, surprised. "You'd really leave Portland for me?"

"If it meant you didn't have to go back to foster care," Bug replied.

Lux smiled.

"Get your stuff. Let's get out of here," Bug said.

Lux frowned. "What? Now?"

Bug nodded.

"I can't," Lux protested. "You said it yourself, there's more security here than Supermax."

Bug grabbed the duffel bag Fern had brought. He threw a pair of jeans and a T-shirt to Lux. He shrugged. "I got in, didn't I?"

Lux hesitated. Abby wasn't going to release her anytime soon. If they got caught, nothing would change. Lux would still be stuck there. If they didn't, Lux could get out of there. Today. She felt a glimmer of hope for the first time in weeks. She changed while Bug packed her bag.

Lux felt as though her stomach was tied in knots. Bug opened the door first and checked to make sure the coast was clear. He didn't see any nurses or doctors. Just a few visitors. He turned to Lux and waved for her to come. Lux's heart was pounding as she followed close behind Bug.

"Hey! Where are you going?"

Lux jumped. Bug put his arm around her shoulders protectively. They turned, expecting a nurse or a doctor.

Cate had been sitting on the floor outside of Lux's room. Despite Abby's assurances that nothing would happen, Cate couldn't bring herself to leave. She sprang up when she saw Lux. She knew Lux wasn't allowed to leave.

Lux frowned in confusion. Why was the star of the radio show Lux listened to every morning there? "Cate Cassidy?" She stammered.

Now it was Cate's turn to be confused. She furrowed her brow. How did Lux know who she was? Surely Abby hadn't told her. "How do you know my name?"

_Cate Cassidy_. _Dr. Cassidy._ Of course. Cate must be Abby's sister! Lux swallowed. Don't panic, she told herself. Abby wouldn't tell her sister who Lux was. Cate wouldn't have any idea Lux wasn't allowed to leave her room. They just needed to play it cool.

"I love _Morning Madness with Cate and Ryan_," Lux replied.

Cate looked up, surprised. "You listen to the show?"

Lux nodded. "Every day." She smiled slightly.

Bug shot Lux a meaningful look.

"It was nice to meet you," Lux said politely. She started to walk away, but Cate grabbed her arm.

"Ah!" Lux flinched when Cate's hand closed around her arm.

Cate realized her mistake immediately and let go. "Lux, I'm sorry. Are you OK?" Cate asked anxiously, her face ashen.

Lux stared at Cate. "How do you know my name?"

Cate froze. Crap! She'd said too much. "Uh…"

Abby must have told Cate about Lux. Lux's cheeks burned.

Bug caught Lux's eye. He grabbed her hand and they hurried toward the elevator.

"Hey! Lux, wait! You're not allowed to leave!" Cate said desperately. She followed in Lux's footsteps. She didn't really know what to do. She just knew if she let Lux get away, she might not see her again.

Lux stared at Cate, her eyes pleading silently. She felt like it either now or never. She would get away now. Away from the hospital. Away from Abby's watchful eye. Away from foster care. Or she would be stuck. Stuck in the hospital. Stuck in foster care. Lux gripped Bug's hand hard as fear took over.

Cate reached for Lux's shoulder, careful to avoid her arms. Lux jerked away, glaring at Cate.

"Hey!" Bug said angrily. He stepped in between Cate and Lux, shooting Cate a dirty look. "Back off."

Cate swallowed.

The elevator opened. Bug stood in front of Lux, hiding her from view, as people shuffled off the elevator.

"I'm glad we got to catch up," Abby said to another therapist as she got off the elevator.

Lux bit her lip when she heard Abby's voice. She shrank back behind Bug.

Abby stopped in her tracks when she saw her sister. Cate was visibly upset.

Cate nodded toward Bug. Abby shifted her gaze and instantly spotted Lux, despite the teen's obvious efforts to hide behind Bug.

Bug grabbed Lux's hand and pulled her onto the elevator. Lux caught Abby's eye. She swallowed.

Abby's expression hardened. Her eyes flashed dangerously. Her hand closed around Lux's upper arm. She dragged the teen back to her hospital room. Lux's stomach sank.

Abby glanced meaningfully at the bed and Lux scrambled into it. Abby began fastening the restraints.

"What are you doing?" Lux cried out, her eyes wide with fear.

"I can't trust you," Abby said sadly.

"You can't trust me?" Lux glared at Abby. "What about you? Your sister knows everything about me!"

Abby sighed. She wondered what had transpired. Lux didn't seem to know that Cate was her mother. "Lux…"

"No! She knows I'm not allowed to leave! She knows I cut myself!" Lux yelled. "Aren't there rules? About confidentiality?"

Abby stared at Lux. "OK, Lux. No, you don't understand-"

"I understand perfectly!" Lux snapped. "You could lose your license if I report you." She watched Abby's reaction and knew she'd hit a nerve. She smiled slightly. She finally had the upper hand. "Release me."

"Even if I wanted to, I can't. Dr. Cooper won't release you for at least a week," Abby said calmly.

"OK, then release me in a week," Lux said.

Abby studied Lux. "I'll be right back," she said suddenly.

Lux made a face. She wondered what Abby was up to. She didn't trust the shrink at all. She felt like she was going to be sick.

What would Abby do to her? Had she gone too far? This was pretty bad, but there were worse things. A white padded room. A straight jacket. A semi-conscious drugged up existence. What if Abby intended to make sure Lux couldn't report her? Lux shuddered at the thought.

Cate and Bug were waiting just outside Lux's room.

Abby glared at Bug. "Get out of here or I'll call security." Bug dropped Lux's bag and took off.

Abby turned to Cate. "What the hell happened?"

"I was sitting outside her room. An orderly went in, or at least I thought he was an orderly. Then they, uh, came out together. I didn't see any doctors or nurses. I didn't know what to do. I just knew that I couldn't let them leave!" Cate explained.

"What did you do?" Abby asked quietly.

"I, uh, asked where they were going. Lux, she knew who I was. She listens to the show," Cate said softly, smiling slightly. She frowned as she remembered what had happened next. It was all a blur. "I grabbed her arm, you know, to stop her. I didn't mean to hurt her. I, uh, apologized and, um, asked if she was OK. Lux, she asked how I knew her name." Cate shook her head. "I didn't know what to say. They went over to the elevator. I told her that she wasn't allowed to leave."

Abby sighed. "We have to tell her."

Cate looked up in surprise. "You think she's really ready for that?"

"She's mad that I told you about her. I could lose my license if she reports this," Abby said.

Cate stared at Abby. "She wouldn't do that."

Abby rolled her eyes. "She doesn't want to be here, Cate. If I don't release her, she's gonna report it." Abby bit her lip. "We have to tell her."

"Is she ready? Could this set her back?" Cate asked, her voice laced with concern.

"I don't know," Abby said truthfully. "She wants parents, but she's so angry. You need to be prepared. This might not go how you want."

Cate nodded slowly.


End file.
